


Why You Shouldn't Go on Patrol Running Entirely on Energy Drinks

by watery_melon_baller



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blanket Permission, Danny is dodging reveals by the skin of his teeth, Danny is having a terrible time, Danny swears like a sailor, Danny's half-life is suffering, English class, Gen, Ghost Cores (Danny Phantom), Ghosts, Hippie Pants, Humor, Secret Identity, get this boy some s l e e p, ghost culture, he's trying, inconveniences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watery_melon_baller/pseuds/watery_melon_baller
Summary: Danny has had to deal with a lot of shit since becoming a halfa. But he would have to put getting stuck caring for some weird ghost artifact with Valerie on his tail all the way pretty far up there on that list.orDanny really needs some sleep.
Relationships: Danny Fenton & Valerie Gray
Comments: 10
Kudos: 137





	Why You Shouldn't Go on Patrol Running Entirely on Energy Drinks

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Danny Phantom and Valerie have absolutely no idea what they're doing with something sacred. This happens in an incredibly comedic manner. (From Dannyphantompromptgenerator on tumblr). 
> 
> I told myself to stay away from prompt fills, but did I listen? Nope! I fully intended this to be a short oneshot and now it's... this. Over 11,000 words. I was debating over whether to chapter it but I feel it flows best as a single story, so I'm just posting it all in one go. If I do decide to podfic this though, like I was originally intending, I'll probably chapter the podfic if only because I am a weakling. I stepped a bit out of what I normally write for this one. My writing style tends to include a lot of heavy vocabulary and descriptions, which is great for angst but perhaps not the best suited to humor. But I'm just going for it, and I don't think it turned out half bad. I tried to follow the prompt the best I could, but this definitely got away from me beyond the initial premise, but I did overall try to keep it comedic and centered around Danny and Valerie. 
> 
> The only reason I rated it T is for swearing.

Ah, nighttime in Amity Park. Peaceful. Quiet. 

The night sky was cloudless, empty but for Danny in ghost mode, simply out on a routine solo patrol and desperately hoping that it would stay that way. He was plenty sleep-deprived, and had already had enough ghost fights for today, thank you very much. Seriously, why had both Youngblood _and_ Johnny decided “Welp, I think today is a great day to go and make Danny’s life terrible!” Thankfully, he’d been able to wrangle them both back into the Zone, if not ending up a little more battered for his efforts. 

Danny hummed a short tune and slowed down, flipping over on his back to look up at the stars. Here, closer to the center of town, you didn’t get the best view of them, but he could still make out a couple of the most prominent constellations. He traced them with his finger, sticking out a glowing glove and whispering their names softly. 

Unfortunately, he was very rudely interrupted by a shot whistling past his head. 

Danny let out a surprised yelp and immediately bolted upright. He spun, and speeding towards him at a far-too-fast-for-comfort speed was the one, the only, Red Huntress. 

Danny let out a long groan. Of course. Of course! Because he can’t just have a nice, quiet night patrol for once. 

“Phantom!”, Valerie barked.

Danny threw out his hands, only to have to dodge another of Valerie’s blasts. “Can we please not do this? Again?”, he called. 

“You may be fooling this town, ghost kid, but your tricks won’t work on me. I know you have ulterior motives.” And then Valerie pulled out another ectogun. Fantastic. 

Danny darted upwards, his legs melting into a ghostly tail as he sped away from Valerie’s shots. “How many times do I have to tell you?! I’m not here to hurt people. I’ve saved this town, like, fifty times!” 

“Your fights have nearly destroyed this town, ‘like, fifty times’”, Valerie yelled back. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten what you and your little dog did to my family.” 

Danny sighed heavily, running a hand down his face. “It was an accident! He’s trained now, I swear.” 

Valerie only growled, speeding past him while pulling out an absolutely massive cannon, which she hefted onto her shoulder. Danny barely had time to wonder how she could even lift that thing before she pulled the trigger, releasing a glowing net. Danny was almost able to clear it, but it snagged on his boot, wrapping around _tightly._ Realizing he wasn’t going to be able to just talk his way out of this one like a nice, civil half-dead dude, Danny reluctantly began lobbing ectoblasts at Valerie, careful to aim away from anything vital. 

And now he had the problem of the net on his leg weighing him down, as well. He tried phasing through it, but no go. He didn’t want to blast it, considering his foot was in there, and Valerie didn’t spare him a second to try and precision cut it, laser style. It was weirdly heavy; normally in ghost mode, everything was just kind of floaty, a hard-to-describe feeling of lightness to his entire being that projected around him. But this net was like a fucking barbell. 

Great. Just great. 

“Uh, Red? It’s getting late. Could we, I don’t know, take this to another day?” Danny asked. 

“Not until you’re taken out!”, Valerie snarled. 

Danny dodged, finally getting a hit in on one of her blasters, which exploded into a bunch of small, smoking pieces. Valerie let out a stifled cry, shaking out her hand. Danny winced. That had to hurt. He hoped it wouldn’t be too bad in the morning. Normally, he’d have a lot more empathy, but it must have been 1 AM and he was way too exhausted to be doing this. At this point, he was really regretting not just skipping patrol entirely. 

“You’ll pay for that, ghost!”, Valerie shouted. 

Oh. Great. He’d made her angrier. 

“This is why you shouldn’t be fighting when you’re half delirious from sleep deprivation and only running on no less than five monster energy drinks”, Danny muttered as he dove downwards, hoping to lose Valerie in the streets. The hum of her board following closely told him that wasn’t working so far. 

And then, of course, his night got ten times worse. Looming in front of him, in all her milf glory, was Desiree. 

“You’re kidding me!”, Danny screamed. 

“Ghost child!” she waved cheerily. Danny took that opportunity to channel all his exhausted, oh-so-very-done-with-this-day emotions into an ectoblast, which he promptly unleashed on the ghost genie. Her eyes widened, and to Danny’s great satisfaction the blast hit Desiree square in the chest. 

  
He didn’t have the time to revel in his victory, however, as Valerie came up behind him. A shot grazed his arm as he dove to the side, and of course that _stupid net_ was still weighing him down. He winced as he saw a small trickle of ectoplasm leaking from the spot where his jumpsuit had been singed. 

“Guess I’ll be taking out two ghosts tonight!”, Valerie said. 

_Well, at least she’ll be splitting her fire now,_ Danny thought. 

And then… “You’re fucking kidding me!”, Danny said aloud, smacking a fist to his forehead as Desiree began _getting up_ from where she had been knocked to the ground by his ectoblast. A blast of that size should have put her out for at least an hour!

“Ghost child, I’m not here to fight!”, she called out, easily dodging past a shot from one of Valerie’s weapons. 

“Sure”, Danny said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Let me guess, you’re here for tea?” 

“No, actually”, Desiree said. “I’m here to tell you it’s your turn to take care of the Egg.” 

“The what.” 

“The Egg.” Desiree reached behind her and pulled out an oblong object that did indeed look like an egg. It was about the size of a football, glowing golden from within. “All ghosts have to take a turn caring for it.” 

“No, no, no, I am NOT taking care of some stupid ghost egg!” Danny turned away pointedly. Man, had he dealt with some bullshit since becoming half-ghost. Hell, he’d even endured the Ghost Zone’s weird deathday ritual! But he was absolutely going to draw the line at caring for a fucking egg. 

“It’s not a choice”, Desiree said, her red eyes flashing menacingly. “The Egg is _sacred._ Every ghost needs to contribute to its care.” 

“In that case, I’ll be taking that!” Suddenly, Valerie, who had been so silent throughout the conversation Danny had nearly forgotten about her, swooped in and snatched the egg right out of Desiree's hands, leaving the ghost genie spluttering indignantly.

“You- give that back!” Desiree cried. 

Suddenly, there was a little _tug_ at Danny’s core. Oh no. Ohhh no. Weird things with his core _never_ ended well. 

“I’ll care for it”, Danny said, the words coming out before he even knew what he was saying. 

A look of delight came over Desiree’s face. “Excellent! I’ll help you get it back from that girl, but after that you’re on your own.” 

Danny nodded, then began to fly off after Valerie, who had taken off down the street. He halted as Desiree cleared her throat. “What are you waiting for?”, Danny asked, gesturing wildly down the street towards Valerie. 

Desiree waited a few seconds, Danny’s adrenaline ratcheting up with every second. That human was getting away with the Egg! They had to get it back before it was lost forever! 

Desiree sighed. “Ghost. Genie?” 

Danny smacked a palm to his face. Desiree shook her head amusedly. “It’s a wonder you ever defeated me.” 

“Hey, you try being a part-time ghost-superhero”, Danny muttered testily. 

“Hm?” 

“Nothing. I wish we had the Egg back.” 

“So you have wished it, so it shall be.” Desiree raised her hands, a green glow gathering around them. And then, between the one and a half ghosts, was Valerie, the Egg clutched in her arms. “Wha-” The hunter whipped her head around. “How-” 

Danny, meanwhile, had a different question. “Why did you bring Valerie back too?!”, he shrieked.

Desiree shrugged. “Your problem now. Ta ta!” She waved before going intangible and phasing away through a wall. 

Danny let out a long, long groan. “Of _course_ Desiree would make my job harder. Because nothing can ever be easy for me.” 

Valerie had now turned her accusing gaze back on Danny. “How’d I get back here?”, she demanded. Danny didn’t respond. Seeing the Egg again, he knew he needed it. It was only safe in his arms. He dove straight for Valerie. 

“Oh, no you don’t!”, she called. Cradling the egg to her side ( _no, it’s going to break, she’s going to drop it!_ ), she held out her left arm. A miniature blaster popped out of her wrist and she began aiming shots at Danny. He dodged them easily, his mind singularly focused. The moment his fingers brushed the Egg’s golden surface, he willed it intangible and pulled straight up, taking the Egg with him, ignoring Valerie’s indignant shriek. 

Once he was safely ten feet away from Valerie, sense rushed back into him again. Immediately, he held the Egg out as far away from his body as he could. “Why do I want this?!” 

Valerie tilted her head, seeming momentarily confused. Then she shook her head and crouched lower on her board. “You tell me!” 

“I don’t know! That’s the point!” Danny used one hand to send an ectoblast towards Valerie, aiming for her wrist ray as she began shooting again. He still held the Egg far away from his chest in the other. He was honestly tempted to just drop the stupid thing, but then his core hummed again. Keep the Egg safe, he had to keep it safe. Safe from hunters, safe from humans. 

What the fuck? Why was he thinking these things?! 

More ghost bullshit, Danny concluded. “What a fan-fucking-tastic day to be dealing with more ghost bullshit!”, he said aloud to no one in particular. 

“What?”, Valerie asked, confusion lacing her voice. 

“Uh… I mean… I’m a ghost. Yep. All ghost!”, Danny said awkwardly, trying to backpedal from the slipup. Another thing to add to the growing list of things he didn’t want to deal with tonight: Valerie finding out his identity.

His statement seemed only to make her more confused, but that didn’t stop her from relentlessly pursuing him. He had to give her credit; she was good at what she did. Now, if only what she did didn’t include shooting at Phantom while he carried a weird egg at 1 am through the side streets of Amity Park. 

Danny couldn’t help but let out a laugh. How bizarre had his life gotten that this wasn’t even the weirdest thing that had happened to him this month? 

Then, the night got even worse. Seriously, how was that still possible?!

But lo and behold, rounding the street corner ahead was the Fenton GAV, lights turned to their brightest and guns blazing. Goddammit. 

“Freeze, Phantom!” It was his father’s voice, emanating from the massive speakers atop the GAV. Lights were beginning to turn on in the windows of the houses lining the street. Just what he needed: publicity of him severely exhausted, soon-to-be getting his ass beat by three ghost hunters, with his core going crazy over some sacred ghost egg.

He spun to face Valerie. Given his options, he figured she was the more likely of the two parties to listen to his begging. Or maybe he was just delirious and didn’t want to talk to his parents right now. Could go either way, at this point. 

“Please help me”, he asked quickly. 

“Not a chance”, Valerie said, raising another weapon. 

“At least hear me out!”, Danny yelped as he dodged a shot. And ohhh no… he really hoped it was not the whirring of the Fenton Ghost Pulverizer charging up he was hearing from behind him. “There must be something I can give you!” 

“I don’t bargain with ghosts”, Valerie said. 

“Wh-what if I gave you fighting tips?” 

“I’m better than you’ll _ever_ be.” 

“What if I gave you my files on all the ghosts?” 

Valerie scoffed. “My info is better than anything _you_ could gather.” 

“What if I gave you an interview?”

“Why would I want that?” 

“Can’t we just talk? Just for tonight! I’ll give you whatever you want!”

“I want you gone!” 

“Anything but that!” 

Danny ducked below a particularly explosive shot. “Please, just for tonight!”, he begged. 

Valerie hesitated. _Please be considering, please be considering_ , Danny pleaded inwardly. 

“Fine. You’ll follow me, _alone_ , and if I see _any_ signs of aggression I’m shooting.” 

“Yes, yes!” Danny wasn’t sure what had caused her change of heart, but he wasn’t going to question the first spot of good fortune in this shitty night. He honestly wasn’t sure he could’ve fought off both Valerie and his parents at this point, considering the egg, his sheer exhaustion, and that stupid net that still hung on his leg. 

Valerie spun her board around and beckoned. “Don’t think this means we’re on good terms, _ghost.”_

“Yeah, yeah”, Danny said. At that moment, there was a sharp _click._ Danny, unfortunately, knew what that meant. The Fenton Ghost Pulverizer was charged up. He had to get out of here. Right now. 

“We gotta go”, he said quickly. 

Valerie brought her finger ever-so-slightly closer to her ectogun’s trigger. “We go on my terms, remember?” 

“No, we gotta go _now,_ because in approximately ten seconds that thing–” he pointed to the Pulverizer “–is going to kill me. Badly.” 

“You’re already dead.” 

“Er…” 

“Oh, just come on.” Valerie shot off, and Danny didn’t hesitate to follow, the stupid egg still in his clutches. He could hear his parents' indignant cries behind as they began pursuit, but Danny and Valerie had much better mobility in the air and were able to lose them pretty quickly. 

It occurred to Danny that at this point he could probably just leave, but then that would only lead to more fighting with Valerie. Right now, she actually seemed willing to talk to him in Phantom form. He was going to take the chance. 

Valerie set down her board in an alleyway, folding it into her suit. Danny forced himself to the ground as well. It was always weird to do that in ghost form. Although he supposed the net wrapped around his boot made it easier. One thing it was good for, at least. 

Valerie put her hand on her hip. “So, _Phantom.”_ She took a step closer, probably meaning to be intimidating. And honestly, it might have worked if he didn't know who was under the suit. But hey, at least she wasn’t pointing some kind of weapon at him! Always good to find the positives. 

“Yeah?”, Danny asked. 

“Don’t try to be funny with me, ghost”, she snapped. “I want answers.” 

Danny nodded. “About what?” 

“How about we start with that thing.” Valerie pointed an accusatory finger at the egg. 

“Erm…” Danny trailed off awkwardly. “I… don’t really know what it is? Or why I have it? I don’t want to have it.” 

“Don’t lie”, Valerie snapped. 

Danny held out a hand defensively. “I’m not lying! I literally know as much as you. Desiree just showed up, dumped me with this thing, and now my core won’t let me get rid of it.” 

“Your… core?” 

“Yeah, my- wait, you don’t know about cores?” Danny couldn’t stop himself from laughing. One of the most effective and feared ghost hunters in Amity Park didn’t know about ghost cores? The thought was hilarious. Or… maybe he just really needed some sleep. Thinking about it, it was probably the second one. 

“Stop- stop laughing!”, Valerie spluttered. 

“I’m sorry”, Danny wheezed. Valerie let out a low growl from the back of her throat, and Danny quickly reined in his laughter. “I’m just really tired.” 

“...you’re a ghost.”

“Hey, just 'cause I'm dead doesn't mean I don't get tired”, Danny joked. His mind moved back to the original topic. “So, uh, yeah. The Egg. I don’t exactly know what it is or what I’m supposed to do with it.” 

“Give it to me”, Valerie demanded. 

Danny could feel his aura flare at that comment, his energy surging as anger rose in him. He had to keep the Egg away from humans. He had to protect it. It was sacred. It had to say safe. 

And then the feeling faded. “What the fuck?”, Danny screeched. 

“You cuss a lot for someone who’s trying to convince the town he’s a ‘superhero’”, Valerie commented dryly. 

“Yeah, well, I’m a teenager and it’s 1 am.”

“Two, actually.” 

Danny groaned inwardly. At this rate, he was going to be pulling an all-nighter. 

More cautiously, he looked at the Egg again, turning it over in his hands. It was completely smooth all over, with a good heft. Seriously, what even was this thing? Clearly it was important to the other ghosts (assuming this all wasn’t Desiree trolling him, which he doubted. She was vindictive, sure, but pranks weren’t really her style), and important to his ghost half, too. What he didn’t see was why. It just looked like, for want of a better descriptor, a weird glowing egg.

Valerie cleared her throat. “Don’t think of pulling anything, _Phantom.”_ Her tone was venomous. 

“I won’t!”, Danny said quickly. He considered for a moment. “Do you have any bright ideas as to what this thing is?” He jabbed a finger at the Egg, which he had gone back to cradling under his arm. 

“Why should I know? You’re the ghost.” 

“Yeah, well, as my friends always say, my braincell died when I did.” 

Valerie cocked her head. “You have friends?” 

“Uh…” God, he really shouldn’t be out in ghost mode when he was this tired.

At that moment, the Egg began to vibrate, causing Danny to almost drop it. “Gah!”

Valerie took a step back. “What’s it doing?”

“I don’t know!”

“Is it going to, like, explode or something?” 

“How should I know?!” 

Valerie reached around and pulled out an ectogun, whipping the barrel up to point squarely at Danny’s chest. 

“This was a trick!”, she said accusingly. 

Danny’s eyes widened. “No, no, no, it’s not I swear-!” 

“Save it, ghost.”

Danny pressed back against the wall, going intangible and intending to phase through it. But lo and behold, the stupid fucking net wouldn’t go intangible with him, no matter how much he willed it to. It was still firmly staying wrapped around his boot. 

Valerie closed in further, expression hard. “Can’t we talk about this?”, Danny asked.

Based off the shot she fired at him, he could guess the answer was no. The Egg still vibrated against his chest; god, he hoped it wasn’t going to actually explode. 

“It’s been fun, but now I got to go”, Danny said, readying an ectoblast. “See you tomorrow, Val.” 

Valerie stopped dead in her tracks and began sputtering like a stalled record. “How do you know my name?” 

Shit. 

“Ghost… telepathy?”, Danny offered weakly. Ancients, was he going to pay for this later. 

Nevertheless, he took the opportunity to dart into the air. “B- bye!” He waved quickly, and in a very welcome stroke of good fortune, Valerie was too stunned to pursue. He put on as much speed as he could and took as many zigzagging turns around street corners as he could. Still clutching the stupid egg, of course. It still vibrated in his grasp, buzzing like a phone alarm. 

He took a roundabout way home, careful not to encounter his parents or Valerie. Finally, a couple of blocks away from FentonWorks he set down in an alleyway and transformed back into his human form. He had really hoped that being human would let him just dump the Egg in a dumpster somewhere and never look at it again. But of course, his absolutely amazing luck struck again. The moment he tried to chuck the Egg as far away from his person as possible, his dormant core flared. He had to keep the Egg safe, warm, protected. He had to care for it with all his being. 

Danny was too exhausted at this point to unpack any of those thoughts, so he began the trudge back to FentonWorks. The streets were dark; by now the street lamps had been turned off. He checked his phone, and sure enough, it was 2:30! Yay. 

At least being half-ghost allowed him to see. His night vision wasn’t as sharp as when he was Phantom, but it was definitely better than the average human. He came up on the doorstep. The GAV was still out of the driveway, so he wouldn’t have to worry about encountering his parents inside. 

He pushed open the front door to find… all the lights on. And Jazz, curled with her computer and a psychology book on the couch. 

Danny stared. “What are you doing up?! It’s past midnight.” 

Jazz looked up to stare right back. “I should ask the same of you!” 

Danny sighed tiredly. “Ghost bullshit.” 

“Language!” 

“Everybody’s really coming at me for the cussing tonight, aren’t they?”

“What?” 

Danny groaned. “Valerie.” 

Jazz nodded, not asking for a further explanation, which Danny was grateful for. “What’s up with that?” She gestured to the Egg. 

“It’s some sort of ‘sacred ghost artifact’”. Danny put finger quotes around the last three words. “And my ghost half won’t let me get rid of it.” He saw Jazz open her mouth to ask another question, but put a hand out to stop her. “Don’t ask. I’m way too exhausted right now.”

“Um… okay”, Jazz said. “But what about that?” She gestured downward. 

“What about wha- oh.” Danny groaned again as he looked down to see the net still on his foot; he’d forgotten about it. “Valerie again.”

“Need some… help?” 

“What I need is sleep, which is why I’m not even going to ask why _you’re_ down here at 2:30 am. Peace.” Danny waved halfheartedly before turning to shuffle up the stairs. He didn’t even bother to change as he flopped down onto his bed, vibrating Egg still in hand. What a fucking night.

\---

The next day, Danny wasn’t feeling any more rested. But life, or half-life anyway, waits for no one, so he had to drag himself out of bed. The Egg hadn’t stopped vibrating whatsoever, and the net still hung off his foot. And apparently, his core couldn’t bear to let the Egg be any more than thirty feet away from his person at all times. As for the net, he tried using ectoblasts to cut it away, but they just bounced off the material, to the misfortune of his walls. He attempted hacking at it with the Swiss Army Knife he'd gotten from his dad a few years back, but that was a no-go as well. But hey, at least it wasn’t glowing anymore. 

Danny sighed heavily. He already knew this was going to end in an absolute trainwreck. 

In the end, Danny elected to wear his longest, baggiest pants, which were unfortunately covered with very loud, very bright patterns (being hand-me-downs from some uncle of his’s hippie phase) and hoped they covered up the net enough that people wouldn’t ask questions. He could talk to it about Sam and Tucker at school. He put the egg in his backpack surrounded by blankets, both to muffle the buzzing and satisfy the urge to protect it. Looked like he’d be lugging his books around in his arms today. 

Danny shuffled groggily down the stairs to see his parents at the kitchen table, huddled close over some sort of touchpad and talking in hushed tones to each other. When they heard him enter, they looked up. “Morning, Danny-boy!”, his dad called cheerily. How did they have so much energy this early in the morning?

“Help yourself to breakfast”, his mom said. 

Danny nodded and grabbed a couple of granola bars from the cupboard, seeing them as his best bet to eat something not mutated by ectoplasm. “Where’s Jazz?”, he mumbled around a mouthful. 

“Right here”, came Jazz’s voice as she came in from the other end of the room. She stopped when she laid eyes on him, undoubtedly in question of his… eccentric fashion choices. “Whatcha wearing?”, she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Clothes”, Danny replied evenly, meeting her gaze.

“O...kay.” Jazz moved on. “You… want a ride to school?”

Danny would, in fact, love that, as he was sure that if he took the bus he’d find some way to embarrass himself. The less opportunity for all this ghost bullshit to implode on him like a dying star, the better. But he wasn’t going to tell Jazz that. “Sure”, he said casually. 

“Let’s get going, then.” 

“Bye, kids!”, their mom called as they left. 

Once they had settled into the car and Jazz had pulled out into the road, Jazz hummed softly and began tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “So, little brother. Care to explain any more about the, as you put it, ‘ghost bullshit?’”

“Relax, Jazz. I’ve got everything under control.”

“Those pants say otherwise.” 

“Who says I don’t just want to mix things up?”

Jazz gave him the side-eye. 

Danny crossed his arm, slouching down in the seat. “Fine, maybe it’s a mild inconvenience.” 

“Anything I can do to help?”

“No, Jazz”, Danny said, rolling his eyes. 

The car pulled into the school parking lot. Jazz turned the car off and opened her side door. “Alright, fine. But remember, I’m always here to help.” Danny rolled his eyes again and got out of the passenger seat. 

“Have a good day!”, Jazz called as she walked away. Danny snorted. For some reason, he got the feeling that this was not going to be a good day. 

And boy, was he right. For once, he wasn’t running late for class, which he took as a win, but he still ran up the steps. Where he had the incredible luck to bump into Valerie Gray. 

In his haste, they were both knocked to the ground. “Hey, watch-! Oh, it’s you”, Valerie said as she pushed herself up and hastily began to grab the papers that had flurried to the ground with her. “Hey, Fenton.”

“Oh… Valerie, hey”, Danny said awkwardly, subtly trying to shift his net-wrapped foot back. He was still very much not in the mood for her to figure out that he was Phantom, and if she saw the exact net she’d shot at Phantom on Danny Fenton’s foot, the jig was up. 

Danny began gathering up the notebooks he’d dropped. “How’s… life?” 

Valerie’s gaze immediately shifted away. “Oh… you know. Here and there. Things are busy. You?” 

“Same.” 

“Cool.”

“Cool…” Danny trailed off awkwardly. “Well, see you around.” 

Valerie gave a small wave as she stood. “Yep.” 

The two moved past each other, Danny breathing a sigh of relief as her footsteps faded. 

The weird looks and whispers he got as he shuffled down the halls did not escape his notice. He did his best to ignore them and made his way over to his locker where he always met up with Sam and Tucker. His friends turned around at his approach. 

Tucker immediately burst out laughing upon seeing his outfit. “Dude, what are you wearing?”, he wheezed. Sam smacked his arm, but Danny could see she was holding back snickers as well. 

Danny groaned, moving up to bang his head against his locker door. “Don’t ask.” 

“Long night?”, Sam asked. 

“You don’t know the half of it.” 

“And I assume…” 

“This–” he gestured down to his pants, “–is a Valerie thing. The thing in my backpack–” he jabbed his thumb back pointedly “–is a ghost thing.”

“Wow”, Sam said. “ _Rough_.” 

“Yep.” 

Tucker, who had finally reigned in his laughter, spoke up. “What’s the thing in your backpack?”

Danny let out a prolonged groan. “Some sort of sacred ghost egg.” 

“A… what?” 

“I don’t even know.” 

“So…” Sam said. “What can we do about it?”

“I am completely open to suggestions”, Danny said exasperatedly. “Because I am running on three hours of sleep and my brain is basically mush at this point.” 

“Have you tried just getting rid of the egg?”, Tucker offered. “Just chucking it into the Ghost Zone or something? That’d be one problem solved.” 

“God, do I wish I could just fucking smash the stupid thing”, Danny said. “But my core’s going haywire over it. It won’t let me get rid of it.”

“Oh”, Tucker said. 

“How about the… pants?”, Sam asked. “What exactly is ‘the Valerie thing’?”

Danny checked around to make sure no one else was looking, especially Valerie, before pulling up one of the massive pants legs to reveal the net around his foot to his friends. “I can’t get it off. Can’t cut through it, can’t phase through it, too tight to just slip off. I’ve tried ectoblasts, too.”

Sam grimaced. “Does it hurt?”

Danny snorted. “Thankfully, no. It is kind of weird in ghost form, though; like, really heavy.”

At that moment, the bell rang. Danny quickly dropped the pants leg. 

“We can talk about this more at lunch”, Sam said. Danny and Tucker both nodded in agreement, and Danny made his way off to his first period. Which, joy for him, was English with Mr. Lancer. English had always been his least favorite subject; like, seriously, no one needed to spend their time obsessively overanalyzing Lord of the Flies! We get it; rich schoolboys are pricks. 

And, better yet, this class had all his _very favorite_ people in it: the A-listers (self-explanatory), Wes (normally, Danny enjoyed messing with him, but he was too tired to get any amusement out of it today), and Valerie (again, normally not a problem, but today his identity was on thin ice and he was a 500-ton elephant). 

To sum it up, a scenario ripe for disaster. 

To be fair, though, for the first half of class things went about as well as he could have expected. Dash made his usual terrible insults and jeers, which Danny tuned out with ease. He’d only done about half of last night’s reading and sparknoted the rest, but he managed to answer all the questions Lancer threw at him correctly enough. There were several times just laying his head down on the desk and taking a quick power nap was extremely tempting, though. 

But inevitably, his ghost sense just had to crawl its way up his throat. He shot his hand up. “Uh, Mr. Lancer, I need to go to the bathroom.” 

At the same time, Valerie stood from her desk. “Me too.”

Mr. Lancer looked over them disapprovingly. “Mr. Fenton, Mrs. Gray, you should know to get these things done _before_ class.” 

But Danny was already halfway out the door. “Thanks, Mr. Lancer!” 

“I did not say-”

“I'll be back soon!”, Valerie called as she pushed past Danny, leaving Lancer sputtering. 

As Valerie hurried down the hallway in the opposite direction, Danny ducked into a janitor’s closet and quickly transformed. He slipped out into the hallway, readying himself for another beating. This oughta be fun. 

A minute passed, Danny growing more agitated by the second. “Come and fight me already!”, Danny yelled. And then Technus came smashing through the wall, opening a window straight into the classroom. Of course it had to be Technus. 

“Kill me now”, Danny moaned. 

“But ghost boy, aren’t you already dead?”, Paulina called helpfully. 

Danny was thankfully spared from answering that as Technus began one of his monologues. “I, TECHNUS, MASTER OF ALL TECHNOLOGY, SHALL–”

Technus was cut off by an ectoblast to the face. “You know, you really shouldn’t waste all your time talking!”, Danny said, fists smoking. 

“YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT, GHOST CHILD. FOR WHAT BETTER A PLACE TO EXERCISE MY DOMINION OVER TECHNOLOGY THAN A HIGH SCHOOL FULL OF TEENAGERS?” 

“I can think of twenty”, Danny deadpanned. “Let’s make this quick, shall we?” He readied another ectoblast, but then Technus raised his hands. A ghostly glow spread over the room as different pieces of technology, everything from cell phones to laptops to projectors, began to circle him. As he did, something jostled Danny’s backpack. 

The Egg was in there. _The Egg was in there_. He had to keep it safe, protect it from the chaos. Immediately, all thoughts of fighting Technus were pushed from his mind. Danny dove, wrapping his hands around the straps of his backpack. He pulled it up so the bundle was clutched to his chest. Somewhere safe, somewhere safe, where could he go that he could give the egg the safety it needed? Danny settled for darting up into the corner of the ceiling, where he hovered for a moment. Carefully, he opened his backpack, relief flooding through him when he saw the Egg okay. 

“Hey, Phantom, what are you doing with Fenturd’s backpack?”, Dash yelled, cupping his hands around his mouth. Sense came flooding back into Danny. _Shiiiiit._

Technus paused momentarily. “I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS YOUR TURN TO CARE FOR THE EGG, GHOST CHILD.” 

“Yeah, well, you can take it!”, Danny exclaimed. “I don’t want this thing! It’s caused nothing but trouble.” 

And then Valerie, in her Red Huntress gear, came flying up. “You’re both going down!” 

Life really wanted him to suffer, didn’t it? 

Danny pulled the flap of his backpack shut and slung it over his shoulders. “We have a common enemy!”, he yelped as Valerie loosed a blast at him. 

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be eliminated!” 

“Wouldn’t it be, I don’t know, more efficient if we just worked together?” 

“Not after you tried to blow me up last night!” 

Oh, great. So long, all the progress he thought they had been making. “I wasn’t trying to blow you up!”

Valerie grunted and glared. 

Danny turned his attention back down to the class. “Get out of here”, he urged, waving his hands. “It’s not safe for you.”

“But we can help!”, Dash called. 

Danny couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. Quickly, he tried to school his face back into heroic neutrality. “The best thing you can do to help is get people out of here.”

“We won’t let you down, Phantom!”, Paulina exclaimed eagerly. Dash looked like he was about to protest, but a stern look from Paulina shut him down, and he began yelling obnoxiously for people to follow him. Well, Danny supposed it was better than him getting in the way. 

While he had been speaking, Valerie had been pummeling Technus with a barrage of shots, but to little avail. Technus was using all the technology that swirled all around him as a sort of shield, and, as Danny promptly discovered, it was not easy to shoot past. It definitely didn’t help that Valerie was firing at him as well as Technus.

Soon, all the civilians were out of the area. Maybe the A-listers were good for something, after all. Danny took the opportunity to unleash larger attacks, shaping his energy into large balls which he threw at the ghost. Unfortunately, this approach met little success. 

Technus let out a loud, obnoxious cackle. “TECHNUS WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED.” He threw out a hand, and a wave of cell phones flew at Danny, knocking him back into a locker. Danny groaned.

“Oh yeah?”, Valerie asked, ignoring Danny completely as she flew up behind Technus. “Why don’t you try on _this?”_ She whipped out a massive weapon from behind, and, balancing it on her shoulder, fired. 

Where the fuck did she get a _grenade launcher???_

Danny supposed he shouldn’t be surprised at this point. Valerie was always armed to the teeth. The bombs hit Technus’s makeshift shield and exploded spectacularly, blowing a substantial hole in the defenses. Technus actually looked surprised for a moment. 

Danny wasted no time picking himself up and firing on Technus, nor did Valerie. Technus faltered again before glaring and whipping a hand around to bring more green-glowing tech to fill in the hole. His eyes flashed. “WE ARE NO LONGER PLAYING NICE, THEN, ARE WE?” Sparks flared around him. Danny didn’t have time to come up with a witty response as several computers, looking oddly sharp, flew at him and Valerie. Danny put up an ecto-shield, wincing as Technus’s makeshift projectiles _thunked_ off it. 

Technus roared while Danny looked over to Valerie. “Hey, do you think you could do your blow-up-his-tech thing again?” 

Valerie paused, both of them floating there for a second as Danny continued to hold up the shield. “Fine”, Valerie finally said.

“Alright!”, Danny said, relieved. “I’m putting the shield down now.” Valerie nodded, readying her grenade launcher. 

“Go!” 

Valerie let out a battle cry as Danny dropped hands and immediately readied two charged ecto-spheres. Valerie leased her fire, and technology went flying. Tucker would be crying right now, Danny thought wryly. 

Technus let out an incoherent yell as he was once again hit by attacks from two sides. Pieces of tech slowly began to drop away from where they swarmed around him. Danny reached around to grab the Fenton Thermos… which was in his locker, halfway across the school, because his backpack had been too full with the Egg. 

Danny sucked in an annoyed breath, turning to glare sharply at the Egg. “You really like screwing me over, don’t you?” 

He’d have to go to his locker and grab it. He hoped Valerie would be okay without his help for a few minutes. Danny snorted as soon as he had the thought. It was Valerie: of course she’d be okay. 

Danny turned to Valerie. “I’ll be right back”, he said, before zipping away, turning invisible as he did. He shot past the crowd of people that had left the area of the fighting, ignoring them entirely as he focused on getting to his locker. Once he did, he phased his hand in and shuffled things around until his fingers hit the rounded surface of the thermos. He let out a triumphant ‘aha!’ and phased it out. 

“What’s that thing?”

Danny whipped his head around to see a student he didn’t know… pointing straight at the distinctly visible net around his ankle. This thing really loved causing problems for him, didn’t it? 

“Wasn’t that on Phantom’s foot?”, a girl asked. 

He had to get out of here pronto. He didn’t want Phantom being associated with Fenton’s locker. In a blur, he shot up and flew over the heads of the crowd beginning to form, Thermos in hand. He really hoped everybody would just forget about this whole thing. 

Soon enough, he was back at where Technus and Valerie were fighting. And man, was Valerie absolutely _demolishing_ Technus. Danny could only stare openmouthed for a second at the sight of Valerie zipping around, shooting blast after blast at Technus. His swarm of technology was in tatters by now, and the ghost himself was crying “MERCY!” Danny couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of how well she’d fought. He was sure _he_ could have done just as well. 

Danny dropped his invisibility and held out the Thermos. “Say goodbye!”, he called as he flipped the switch. Technus let out an indignant screech as he was sucked into the blue beam, and then sweet, sweet silence briefly fell over the hallway. 

Then, Valerie turned her guns on him. And Danny very much did not want to be on the receiving end of that vengeance. 

“Gotta go! See you around!”, he said quickly, giving a mock salute before turning and hauling ass down the hallway. 

“Oh, no you don’t!”, Valerie called, giving the chase. 

Danny rounded several corners, managing to put some distance between Valerie and himself. As soon as he could, he ducked into a closet and behind a rack of mops, transforming back immediately. Seconds later, the door to the janitor’s closet slammed open, revealing Valerie still in her Red Huntress gear. “Where’d you go, Phantom?”, she demanded. “You can’t hide forever!”

“Uh, hey”, Danny said, stepping out from behind the mops.

Valerie stopped, looking surprised. “Oh, Danny!”, she exclaimed before stopping. “I- I mean hello, citizen. Danny, right? You look like a Danny.” 

Danny brought a hand up to the back of his neck and smiled, trying to feign cluelessness. “Uh, yeah. That’s right.” He looked around. “Is the ghost attack over?”

“Mostly”, Valerie said. “There’s still one loose end that needs to be cut off.”

Danny tilted his head. “You mean Phantom?”

“You got it. Did he come through here?”

“I didn’t see him.” Danny paused, looking up at Valerie. “Are you sure he’s really that bad?”

“Of course he is”, Valerie said, voice hardening. “He’s a ghost; all these ‘heroics’ he’s doing are just an act. He’s probably fulfilling his obsession or something. He’s definitely evil.”

_So she knows about obsessions, but not cores?_ Danny thought. _Huh._ Aloud, he said, “But surely anyone who helps fight the ghosts that keep attacking can’t be all that bad, right?”

“How do you know he doesn’t have an ulterior motive? Wait.” Valerie looked down at him; more specifically, at his backpack. _Shit…_ “Phantom had that backpack earlier…”

“Really?”, Danny said, his voice going traitorously high. “Weird.”

“You know…”

“Oh, you know, now that I think about it, he did come through here earlier! He was super nice, gave me my backpack back and everything.”

Valerie seemed very skeptical of this response. 

“But… uh, when he gave it back, it had this weird egg thing in it”, Danny lied, trying to change the subject. Gently, he set the backpack down and pulled out the Egg, buzzing and pulsing with a soft glow. He held it out to show it to Valerie. Valerie set down her board, folding it in so she stood on the ground. She walked over and laid a hand on the egg, at which Danny’s core clenched, and he quickly pulled the egg away and close to his chest. He had to keep it safe from the human…

Valerie gave him a questioning look, and Danny clenched his teeth. _Not the time, core!_ Danny gave a very awkward laugh. “Sorry… uh, go ahead.” Valerie glanced at him one more time before reaching her hand out to brush the surface. 

“Guess it really wasn’t a bomb…” she murmured. 

The egg began to shake. Not just vibrate like it had been all night, but _shake,_ so hard it nearly fell out of Danny’s hands. _Not the time for dramatic irony!_ Danny thought. 

“What’s it doing?”, Valerie asked, backing away. 

“Uh…”

“Phantom did this”, she snarled. She folded her board back out. “I never should have trusted him.”

“Wait, you trusted him?”, Danny interjected hopefully. 

“I…” Valerie faltered before her voice hardened. “No.” She pointed at the Egg. “Drop that thing and get on.”

Danny grimaced. He couldn’t do that, but he also had no good way to explain why he couldn’t do that. “You go, I’ll be fine.”

Valerie whipped her head around incredulously. “You have got to be kidding me. I’m not just leaving you here!”

“You don’t-” Danny was cut off as the shaking became so violent he couldn’t keep a grip on the Egg, and it slipped from his arms. As soon as it did, Valerie seemed to make her own decision and flew across the room to grab Danny’s arm, hauling him up onto her board herself. Man, that girl had a _grip._

“Wait!”, Danny called. It was enough to get Valerie to pause briefly, a moment during which the egg cracked. Danny could only watch, mortified, as the thing he was supposed to _protect,_ the thing it was his duty as a ghost to _protect,_ split open from within, to reveal…

Valerie let out a gasp. “Is that… a fucking _bird?”_ , she asked. 

Equally shocked, Danny just said, “Looks more like a dinosaur?”

“So what do we do now?” Valerie asked. 

“Become parents?”

“It’s a ghost bird”, Valerie said. 

“Dinosaur”, Danny corrected. 

“Sure. Either way, we should probably just destroy it.”

“No, don’t destroy it!”, Danny yelled, a little louder than he meant to. He cleared his throat. “I mean, it’s tiny, surely it couldn’t hurt anything?”

“It’s still a ghost.”

“You have to find it a little cute.”

Valerie spared a glance to the goopy thing that had just poked its head out of the Egg. “Okay, maybe a little. But we still shouldn’t trust it.”

Danny snorted. “Yeah, because anything remotely ghostly is automatically evil.”

“Well, yeah”, Valerie said. 

“Nothing’s ever completely black and white”, Danny said. He paused. “How about this. I take it home, and if anything goes wrong I’ll alert you?”

Valerie seemed to consider a moment before nodding hesitantly. She stuck a hand out to fish something out of a pocket in her suit, which she tossed to Danny. He caught it sloppily. “That’s a transponder. Press the little button, I’ll get a message with your location. Got it?” Danny nodded, shoving it into his back pocket. 

“I’ve been gone too long”, Valerie muttered. “Get off”, she said more loudly. “I need to… be somewhere.” 

“Cool…”, Danny said awkwardly, sliding off her hoverboard. Valerie grunted an acknowledgment before flying off towards the door, leaving Danny alone in a janitor’s closet with his very own newly-hatched ghost bird and/or dinosaur. This was going to go well. 

It then occurred to him that the other ghosts might be angry that instead of a sacred Egg, he’d be returning a sacred baby dinosaur-bird. Then again, what did they matter? They already had plenty of contrived reasons to try and beat him up; what’s one more? 

Cautiously, Danny approached and picked up the slimy egg. “Yuck”, he muttered as the goop dribbled onto his hands. Deciding he’d much rather have gloves and his jumpsuit to deal with this thing, after a quick check out into the hallway Danny transformed into ghost form. The dinosaur-bird immediately perked up, cooing softly and bringing little claws up to the edge of the eggshell. 

“Oh no, you are not imprinting on me or something”, Danny said, hastily dropping the creature into his backpack and slamming the flap shut. Guilt washed over him after he did so, but he stubbornly ignored it and transformed back into Fenton before walking back out into the hallway. 

It seemed classes had already moved back in despite the wrecked state of the classrooms. Danny sighed. Even a ghost attack wouldn’t get him out of Mr. Lancer’s English class. 

Danny shuffled into the classroom and flopped down in his desk, ignoring the stares. He wiped the chunks of plaster off with his arm and carefully set his backpack down. The dinosaur-bird had thankfully decided to be quiet. 

“Hey, Danny, where were you?”, Wes asked condescendingly. 

“The bathroom?” 

“That whole time?”

Mr. Lancer cleared his throat. “Mr. Fenton. Mr. Weston. If you would please stop disturbing the class.”

“But-” Wes protested. Mr. Lancer’s stern glare shut him up, to Danny’s satisfaction. 

“Anyway…” Danny tuned out Mr. Lancer’s droning lecture, and soon enough, the bell rang. 

The next few periods were a blur of exhaustion and anxiety about the small creature in his bag. Danny tried to pay attention, but he was pretty out of it. 

It was a nice day, at least, so he and his friends elected to eat outside. Danny was the last of their little group to slide onto the bench, where he immediately collapsed his head into his hands and let out an unintelligible moan. 

“Wow, you look beat”, Tucker commented. “Like, even more so than usual.” 

Sam snapped her fingers. “Focus. Anything new with the Egg?” 

Danny lifted his head. “About that…” Glancing around to make sure no one was looking, he lifted his backpack onto the table and pulled it open to reveal the dinosaur-bird, snoozing peacefully in a little nest of blankets at the bottom of the bag. 

“Woah”, Tucker exclaimed. 

“Shhh!”, Danny hissed. Glancing around again, he continued. “The stupid Egg hatched after I fought Technus.” 

Sam whistled. “It was an actual egg, then.” 

“Unfortunately”, Danny grumbled. 

“Danny’s a Papa now”, Tucker joked. 

“I am not!”, Danny retorted sharply. “This thing is going back to the ghosts as soon as possible.” 

“Does that weird protective instinct still apply?”, Sam asked, gesturing to the dinosaur-bird, which was now beginning to warble softly and shift in its sleep. 

“I haven’t tried, but my luck says probably.”

“What’re you going to name him?”, Tucker asked. 

“Who says they’re a him?”, Sam retorted. 

“Guys”, Danny said exasperatedly. He wasn’t in the mood to moderate an argument. 

His friends both broke off and looked down sheepishly. “Anyway”, Danny continued. “I figure I probably just have to keep this thing alive— well, you get what I mean— for however long my ‘turn taking care of the Egg’ was supposed to be, and then bequeath whichever poor sap is next on the roster the newly hatched sacred dinosaur-bird.” 

“Hey, that can’t be too hard, right?”Tucker offered.

“I sincerely hope so.” 

Sam cleared her throat. “How about the… net issue?” 

“I have absolutely no idea what to do about that.”

Sam hummed. “...maybe you could look around in Valerie’s stuff? I mean, it is her tech. If she can get it on, she must have something to get it off.”

Danny pursed his lips. “I’m not sure. She’s getting really close to… figuring out some stuff I don’t want her to, and if she sees Fenton snooping around her bags I don’t think that’ll quell her suspicions.”

“Who says it has to be Fenton?”

\---

Danny had so many regrets. 

Such as everything he had done to get himself into this situation. Why had he listened to Sam? 

“Get back here, ghost!”, Valerie screeched. Danny tried to put on more speed, but he was pretty much hitting the max he could without smashing into buildings, because, of course, he had not been able to get the net off and couldn’t just turn his whole body intangible to go through them. The dinosaur-bird burbled happily from his backpack, which he had slung forward snugly over his chest. Finally, having a double-sided backpack had come in handy. The creature poked its head out. 

“No! Bad”, Danny scolded, shoving it back in. He spared a glance back, and saw Valerie still gaining. Great. He really wasn’t in the mood for a confrontation.

“Hey, um, Red?”, he called back. “Could we just talk this out?” 

“Not a chance, thief!”

It was not supposed to end up like this. He had just transformed into Phantom, gone invisible, and went to go through Valerie’s bag of Red Huntress gear. The dinosaur-bird had had to come with him, but it was only a small inconvenience, with Sam helping fashion a suitable carrying situation. He’d waited until Valerie left to go to the bathroom before rushing forward to rifle through the gear, looking for a control or something. And it had worked! He’d found the cannon that had shot the net, folded up neatly into a cube, and grabbed it.

But Valerie had come back a lot sooner than he’d anticipated, and of course the stupid non-invisible net on his foot betrayed him. She’d instantly whipped on her suit and gave the chase. He hadn’t had time to do anything but run.

“Please”, Danny begged. “I am so tired right now.” 

“All the easier it will be to take you out.”

Danny switched strategies; talking clearly wasn’t going to work (but when did it ever?). Quickly, he shot an ectoblast, aiming for one of the boosters on Valerie’s board. And, by the ancients’ mercy, it hit, giving Danny a brief advantage. He used it to turn his attention to the net-cannon he’d nabbed from Valerie’s bag, folding it out. Wow, was it massive. Even with his considerable supernatural strength, its weight was still substantial. He once again wondered how Valerie had been able to lift the thing. 

_No, focus._ Danny used his telekinesis to suspend the cannon in the air in front of him, freeing his hands. He ran them over it, looking for a reverse switch or something. His gloved hand brushed a small button on the underside of the barrel. Danny flipped the cannon over to look at it. It was small and red, labeled ‘retract’. “Bingo”, he said aloud, before slamming his palm down on it and desperately hoping this wasn’t about to backfire horribly. 

It didn’t. Danny let out a huge sigh of relief as he felt the net around his foot loosen, then unravel, a line of energy snaking down from the cannon to pull it back in. Danny shook his foot out. It felt great to have that thing off; he hadn’t realized how much it had been dragging him down until it was gone. One problem: solved.

He didn’t have time to revel in his triumph, though, as Valerie caught her balance again and rushed up to him on her board, if a bit slower than before. “You-”

“Bye!”, Danny waved, before dropping his hold on the cannon, causing it to plummet towards the ground. 

Valerie gasped. “That’s new!” She dove for it, but Danny paid no attention, instead letting himself fall backwards to phase into the wall behind him. Several blocks later, he was fairly sure he’d lost her and turned back towards the school. Lunch was probably over by now; looks like he’d be late to chemistry again. 

\---

The rest of the day went about as smoothly as he could have hoped. He didn’t have a change of clothes, so he was stuck with the ugly hippie pants for the rest of the day, but now he wasn’t worrying about what they had been covering up. The dinosaur-bird was cooperative, staying quiet most of the time. Except for that one time during passing period it started screaming. That was not fun. 

Danny had ignored the awkward looks and left Sam and Tucker to cover for him while he ducked into the bathroom and pulled out the dinosaur-bird, which was wailing pitifully. Only by going into ghost mode and cradling it to his chest was he able to get the creature to calm down. As soon as it did Danny shoved it back into his backpack and hurried into class, almost forgetting to change back. He just barely managed to not be late.

Now, Danny floated in his room in ghost mode, eyeing the dinosaur-bird as it crawled along his bedspread, its soft golden glow brighter than it had been earlier. At that point, Danny heard a knock on the door and hastily transformed back, landing on the floor with an ‘oof’.

“Wh-who is it?”, he stammered. He pretty much knew it had to be Jazz, considering his parents were both out. 

“Danny?”, came Jazz’s voice. Danny began trying to stuff the dinosaur-bird back into his bag, much to its annoyance. “What’s that sound?” 

“Puberty?”, he squeaked. He didn’t need _Jazz_ knowing about his new ward. 

“I’m coming in.”

“No!” But Jazz didn’t listen, already opening the door. Her mouth fell open in shock when she saw Danny desperately trying to push the struggling ghost creature into his blanket lined backpack. “What’s that?”

“Keep it down”, Danny hissed. “And… I’m not really sure. It’s no big deal.”

Jazz raised an eyebrow, shutting the door behind her. “You know, it’s healthy to ask for and accept help.”

Danny grumbled. Jazz came to sit beside him on the bed and laid a hand on his shoulder, giving him an expectant stare. Danny groaned. “Fine. The stupid ghost egg from last night hatched and is now a stupid ghost dinosaur-bird.”

Jazz looked genuinely surprised by this. The sight of his know-it-all sister at a loss for words did give Danny a twinge of vindictive pleasure. After a moment, Jazz spoke. “...okay. So you have to raise it, or something?”

“Ancients, I hope not.” 

“What do you know so far?” 

“Well, it really loves when I’m in ghost mode.” 

“Hmm.” Jazz brought a hand to her chin. “I think it’s probably looking to you as a parental figure, like normal baby animals imprint on older members of their species.” 

“No, no, no”, Danny said quickly, holding out a hand. “I am _not_ this thing’s parent.” 

“Well, you should at least try to be nurturing”, Jazz said, taking on that bossy tone she always did when she thought she was right. 

Danny huffed, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Now, will you leave me to ‘nurture’ in peace?”

“Alright, alright, I get it”, Jazz said, holding up her hands. She stood from the bed and walked out the door, leaving Danny alone with the dinosaur-bird. Danny sat up, crossing his legs, and eyed the creature. 

“So, what do you want?”, he asked, not expecting an answer. 

“Hungry”, it chirped back. Danny let out a surprised yelp and fell backward off the bed, landing on his side with a muffled ‘ow’. After just lying there for a second, he pulled himself up and stared at the creature again. It peered back at him with those expectant, bulging golden eyes. 

“Great, it talks now”, he muttered, running a hand down his face.

It crawled forward, little claws pricking into his bedspread. “Hungry”, it said again, giving a little bounce. 

“Well, what do you eat?”, Danny asked. 

The dinosaur-bird gnashed its beaklike jaws, revealing rows of fangs. “Hungry.”

“Wow, thanks, that was so helpful”, Danny said sarcastically. After thinking on it for a minute, he decided his best bet was ectoplasm; normal ghosts used it for energy, so why shouldn’t this creature? Quietly, he made his way down to the lab, checking to make sure his parents weren’t down there before going down the stairs to grab some of his parents’ beakers of the stuff; they certainly had a lot of it. 

He grabbed a couple of spoons from the kitchen and brought it all back up to his bedroom. He laid it out on his desk, intending to offer a spoonful to the dinosaur-bird, but before he could the thing launched itself off of Danny’s bed, making the considerable leap onto the desk to smash its face into the glassware, burbling happily as it slurped up the green goo. 

“Hey, hey!”, Danny exclaimed as it made a complete mess of his desk. God, he was not looking forward to cleaning that up later. Danny couldn’t do anything to stop it, and in almost no time at all the dinosaur-bird was sitting in a puddle of spilled ectoplasm and shattered glass, churring as it brought out a snakelike green tongue to lick its jaws. 

And then it started growing. Shit. Danny instinctively backed away as the creature just seemed to expand, stubby limbs lengthening as more feathers grew in, until it was the size of a full-grown tiger. His desk collapsed beneath the weight into a pile of splintered wood. 

“How am I going to explain that?!”, Danny shrieked indignantly, getting ready to go ghost. But then the creature leapt forward, purring, and snatched Danny into its front claws. “Hey!” He willed his transformation on… but it wouldn’t come. Why wasn’t it working?! 

_Fine, fine_ , Danny thought, drawing a deep breath. He could fight in human form. It wasn’t ideal, but-

Then he remembered the transponder Valerie had given him earlier, still sitting in his pocket. She had said to call her if anything went wrong, and things were certainly going wrong. If he couldn’t transform into Phantom anyway, her backup would be very helpful, and assuming she wasn’t busy, she’d be able to get here quickly. And if she didn’t come, well, he’d figure it out. This was far from the worst situation he’d been in. 

Danny managed to wiggle an arm out of the dinosaur-bird’s iron grip and stuck his hand into his pocket. Finding the little button, he pressed down. 

Alrighty, then. Now that that was done, more immediate matters. Ancients, how he wanted to blast the thing in the face. But when he tried to summon up an ectoblast, his core hummed in protest. He had to care for the sacred creature. It was his duty, to protect it, keep it safe.

Danny groaned, smacking his one free hand to his face. Guess he’d be waiting for Valerie. He really hoped she’d be fast. 

“Hungry”, the dinosaur-bird burbled happily. “Find more.” The creature began sticking its beak around the room, presumably looking for more ectoplasm. As there was none, it simply succeeded in making Danny’s bedroom look like Skulker had decided to open fire on it. Fantastic. The creature didn’t even loosen its grip on Danny, leaving him to unamusedly watch the destruction of all his stuff.

Then, the dinosaur-bird decided to smash through his bedroom wall. Great, just what he needed: less privacy! 

Jazz burst out of her bedroom, presumably hearing the noise. When she laid her eyes on the undoubtedly bizarre scene, her eyes went wide. “Danny?”

“Hi, Jazz.” 

“I’ll go get Mom and Dad, just wait here!”, Jazz cried. 

“Wait!”, Danny called. But she was already gone, rushing down the stairs. A minute later, Danny could hear the sound of a car starting. On his own again, then. Which was fine. He sighed. His sister really could have a hit or miss relationship with ghost hunting. 

The creature smashed its way into each of the bedrooms, chattering all the way about how it was hungry and wanted more. Danny thought that would be a terrible idea, but he couldn’t really do anything at this point. The dinosaur-bird had begun to make its way down the stairs by the time Valerie showed up, guns blazing. “Stop right there–” Valerie stopped when she laid eyes on the scene.

“What the–”

“Don’t ask”, Danny sighed. “Just get me down?”

Valerie nodded and shot at the dinosaur-bird’s claws, releasing him. Danny’s core absolutely hated that, because the protective thoughts instantly returned. It was lucky something-or-other was preventing him from going ghost, because it was difficult enough to hold himself back from hitting Valerie with ectoblasts.

“You’re freaking out… a lot less about this than I’d have thought”, Valerie said, coming to hover above him.

“Yeah, well, weird stuff happens all the time”, Danny replied, trying to keep the strain of resisting the urge to keep the creature safe from the human out of his voice. Valerie seemed to accept the answer, because she turned back to blasting the dinosaur-bird. 

“Care to explain what happened here?”, Valerie asked between shots. 

“Let’s just say feeding it wasn’t a good idea.”

“Why would you feed it?!”

“It was hungry! Besides, how could I have known _this_ would happen?” He gestured wildly to the currently rampaging creature. 

“Okay, well, any ideas for how to fix it?” 

“Maybe we could throw it through the portal?”, Danny offered, dodging a stray shot. 

Valerie seemed to consider a moment. “That could work.” 

“We just have to get it down there without letting it eat any more ectoplasm. No biggie.” Danny’s core flared again. “And could you please stop shooting it?” Man, he really hoped his eyes weren’t flaring green. 

“Why would I do that?” 

“It’s just a baby?” 

“It’s destroying your house!” 

Danny moaned. “Let’s just get through with this quickly.” Valerie nodded after a second, and Danny instantly felt some of his tension ease as she lowered her weapon. “Do you have, I don’t know, nets or something?”, Danny asked. 

“I would, but that stupid Phantom stole it earlier and dropped it.”

“You don’t have any other nets?”, Danny asked incredulously. Now he could see why she’d been so angry earlier. Well, beside the whole ‘Phantom going through her tech and stealing something’ deal. 

“Don’t you Fentons have weapons?”, Valerie countered. 

“No time”, Danny said. There probably was time, but it was more that he didn’t think he could bring himself to fight the dinosaur-bird. “Come on, the lab’s down here.” After a second, he added, “that’s where the portal is.”

“I know that, Fenton”, Valerie snapped, before softening. “I mean... sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm just... a bit tired right now. Let’s go.” 

Danny nodded and ran down the hallway to open the door, while Valerie circled the creature’s head, goading in on. “Looking for a fight, ugly?”

The creature gurgled and followed as she led it down the stairs and into the lab. But Valerie was forgotten once it spotted the jars upon jars of ectoplasm. Danny suddenly got the thought that maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea. 

The dinosaur-bird pounced up and began swallowing whole containers of ectoplasm, crushing glass and plastic beneath its fangs. And it grew. A lot. 

“Oh, shit”, Danny groaned. Everything always had to go wrong for him, didn’t it?

“Open the portal!”, Valerie called, pulling out her weapon again. Danny averted his eyes, hoping ignoring the assault on the precious creature would lessen the tug to keep it safe, and instead focused on getting to the portal, dodging past flying fragments of tables and machinery to slam his hand down on the button to open the portal, revealing the green swirl. 

“Get out of the way, I’m going to try and herd it in”, Valerie said, nodding to Danny. Danny quickly followed the instruction, distinctly not wanting to be crushed beneath one of those now-massive claws.

At that moment, Desiree emerged from the portal with great flourish, startling both Valerie and Danny, and stopping the dinosaur-bird in its tracks. “Your care of the Egg has been… oh!” The genie ghost stopped, staring at the now considerably larger dinosaur-bird, standing amid utter chaos, Valerie, hovering above with her gun brandished, and Danny, standing in the corner. Desiree stammered for a moment before managing, “You hatched the sacred Egg?”

“Yep, and it’s your problem now”, Danny said quickly, remembering how Desiree had said the exact same thing to him last night. He hurried up the stairs, beckoning Valerie to follow. 

“Wait, ghost child!”, Desiree exclaimed, actual panic emerging in her voice. 

“Not a chance”, Danny called back in an overly chipper tone, already at the top of the stairs. He slammed the lab door shut with great finality, taking great satisfaction in the action. Belatedly, he realized that his core was still; no more weird intrusive thoughts about protecting the stupid dinosaur-bird! He dared hope this whole ordeal was finally over. 

Valerie stared. “Wait, did she just call you ghost child?”

“Uh…”, Danny stammered eloquently. “Sometimes ghosts call me that… because I live near the portal?” 

Valerie didn’t seem very convinced. “Anyway”, Danny continued quickly, trying desperately to change the subject. “All that’s done now!” 

“O...kay”, Valerie said skeptically, before her stance softened. “You know, it was really nice, just… hanging out. Even if we were fighting some weird ghost bird that jerk Phantom dumped on you.”

Danny bit back a retort about how Phantom was not a jerk and instead smiled softly. “Yeah. This has been nice. Maybe we should do it again sometime.” It had actually been really cool, fun even, to fight with Valerie. It wasn’t an opportunity he got often, to do so without the constant threat of her turning all that firepower on him. 

“Yeah”, Valerie said, seeming to smile as well under her suit. She made her way over to the front door and stepped outside, folding out her hoverboard. “See you around, Fenton.”

“See you around.” Danny waved as she rose into the air and flew away. These had been a very turbulent two days, to say the least. But honestly, he felt like he had made some progress with Valerie. Maybe they really could be friends, in both identities.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> The jab at Lord of the Flies is absolutely stolen from a conversation I had with Lilac. 
> 
> I am always grateful for constructive criticism!


End file.
